Books That Bugged Me

This post contains major spoilers concerning the books that I have listed below.

These are personal ruminations. That is, this is not a post about the books that are most likely to disturb or to bother the general reader. Instead, this is a very short list of novels that bugged me. If I were attempting to compile a catalog of books that are likely to disquiet the most people, this post would be very different. If I were constructing a list of works that should be universally disturbing, then I would look for common elements that should, in theory, trouble us all. Instead these are just a few novels that, due to idiosyncrasies in my own psyche, bothered the heck out of me. These works pushed certain buttons in my mind. They may or may not do so for others. 

Thus, this list seems little “wrong”. I think that this little compilation looks a bit like a list created by someone who is not well read at all. It seems to be an odd and too – short combination of books. A list that contains glaring omissions.  A list put together by someone who has missed some of the really powerful and moving works out there (Many of which I have, of course missed). There are many novels that I have read, that in theory should be much more affecting then those below. As I stated above, this is a list based upon my personal reactions only. I choose these books solely based upon gut reactions that I had to them. Though I may attempt to use reason to analyze and explain why these novels seemed so dark to me, reason and analysis have nothing to do with the choices.

When examining the list I notice some interesting commonalities: Three out of the four works are either science fiction or at least take place in a speculative and very dark future. Three out of the four involve the disruptions of a relationship, at least in part due to an invasion by outside forces. All four of these works were written in the twentieth century and were written in English. For me at least, all of the major events in these books, though at times highly speculative, seemed plausible.

The whole idea of this list seems a little absurd when I really think about it. After all, I have read a fair share of non - fiction that has illustrated some of the most horrendous aspects of the human experience. As someone who has read a lot of history, and a lot of dark history, I have encountered real life stories of murder, rape, and the most unspeakable tortures and sadism that can be imagined, on both an individual as well as on a mass scale. What is contained in these non – fiction works was indeed troubling. Some of it is the stuff of nightmare and depict hell on Earth. Thus, I have had similar reactions these books. However, since such things really happened, such reactions seem to be more understandable.

So why should anything of the non - fiction sort bother me much? Perhaps because by introducing the reader into the mind and the soul a character the way non - fiction does not, fiction sometimes creates a special kind of empathy for characters. Another reason may be the fact that three out of the four books are speculative fiction. Maybe this gave the authors a particular amount of freedom to set up situations that were so uncanny as to create the sense that something was abnormally twisted in the Universe.

I have heard it expressed that really great books have the power to bother people the most. Once again my list does not exactly meet expectations. Some of the below really are not novels that belong in the category of great literature. With that said, in my opinion, all of the below are very well written.

These books bugged me so much that I will never reread them and would stay away from other books that I think might elicit similar reactions. These novels chilled my soul. I thought about them for days after completing. Later, sometimes years later, thinking about them brings up unpleasant feelings. I am not delving too deeply into why these particular works perturbed me so much. However, I am willing to discuss further and in detail, in the comments section or through private correspondence with anyone who wants elaboration and is interested in further chat.

The list of books that bugged is as follows:

Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo



I first read this when I was very young. The famous story of Joe Bonham who is wounded by an artillery shell in World War I and wakes up with no arms, no legs, no mouth, no sight, no hearing, no smell and no taste. The book takes place almost entirely in the protagonist’s mind. Bonham cannot move, communicate or even kill himself. In the annals of literature, perhaps no other work has ever portrayed a soul trapped in such torment with absolutely no way to escape. This is a dark masterpiece of helpless horror and is truly the stuff of the darkest nightmares.

An argument can be made that this book rises to the level of great literature.

Rock band Metallica’s song “One” is about this book.

Implosion by D.F. Jones

This is most obscure work on this list. While not great literature, it is a very imaginative tale of worldwide horror. Rival nations develop a chemical that can be easily introduced into water supplies and that is extremely effective in causing sterility in women. Various nations and rival factions use the toxin against one another in vicious cycles of attack and retaliation. In a few short years, ninety – nine percent of the World’s women are unable to bear children.

The true horror builds in the novel’s last chapters. The few remaining fertile women are sequestered into institutions and forced to become baby - making machines.  Julia, the wife of the United Kingdom’s Prime Minister is one of these unfortunate women. Piling grim horror upon grim horror, her relatives, though initially helpful in attempted escape attempts, and visiting her in the institution, eventually slowly betray her in what seems to me, a particularly cruel way. Her husband and twin sister, gradually over the years, visit her less and less frequently. Eventually it is revealed that the two have married. By this time Julia is so resigned to her fate that she is only bothered a little bit. No happy endings in this novel.  I have not read since I was much younger and will not do so again.

The White Plague by Frank Herbert

This novel heaps three levels of agonizing horror one on top of another. First, a microbiologist’s wife and two young daughters are killed in a horrendous terrorist bombing. Second, the microbiologist, later know as “the madman”, goes completely insane and plots retribution upon the world. His revenge is a devastatingly effective synthesized virus that kills only women. Over the course of the book the plague spreads throughout the world and over ninety – nine percent of the Earth’s women succumb. When a cure is finally found the few women survivors emerge from quarantine. In the closing pages of the book a final horror becomes apparent as everyone is expected to accept, based upon the new realities, that monogamous relationships for the remaining women, even pre - existing ones, will not be tolerated in this new world.

I have read a lot of “plague wiping out humanity books.” None has affected me like this one. It is so very different from the others. It is stark and believable. In an odd way, the fact that the contagion affects only one gender makes it all the more grim.

I would argue that Herbert wrote great literature when he created his Dune Series. This book, very different from Herbert’s more famous works, does not quite reach the level of greatness, but is very well written and effective. I have known several others who have read this book and were not so bothered. Thus, this one falls firmly into the category of “personally disturbing.”

I remember reading this when I was in my teens around the time that it was first published. I recognized the horror of it all this but thought that if it happened, I would be lucky to be male. In retrospect, I think that death would be preferable to living in a world that lost all of its women in such a terrible way. 

Nineteen Eighty  - Four by George Orwell

For me, this is the ultimate disturbing novel. It contains a unique set of horrors as the protagonists, Winston and Julia, endure mental, emotional and moral destruction at the hands of torturers in the service of the most oppressive regime imaginable. Their fate is clearly worse then death. There are two famous passages, one known as the Room 101 passage and the second that cumulates in last sentence of the book that hammer the horrors home. For me the worst passage was actually a third one, I call it the “Cold March Day,” where the protagonists are shown to be emotionally annihilated, their love for one another intentionally and effectively destroyed by the pernicious regime. I blogged about this one in more detail here.

Finally, there are a couple of books that I have not read, that I suspect, might elicit similar disturbing reactions for me, and thus, I will likely stay away from. One is The Road by Cormac McCarthy, which looks so very terrifying, grim and depressing in an ultimate and plausible way (I have not seen the film for the same reason). The second is Blindness by Jose Saramago. I have seen the film adaptation of that book. The movie contained a rape scene that I found to be unbearable. I have heard that the corresponding passage in the book is even more intense. As I like both McCarthy and Saramago and the plots of these books seem interesting, I would have read both in a heartbeat when I was younger. I am, however, getting squeamish in my old age.

Nineteen Eighty - Four by George Orwell

I have not read George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty- Four in several years. I read it twice in my lifetime. Appropriately my first reading was back in the actual year of 1984. I read it for the second time a few years ago. I will likely never read it again. As I found it to be the most disturbing piece of fiction that I ever read, I do not wish to endure this brilliant but terribly dark novel again.  Since I found this work to be so affecting, I have wanted to post some commentary on it for a while. 

Written in 1948 the story takes place in the monstrously dystopian future world of 1984. The planet is divided up onto three horrendously oppressive dictatorships. All members of the middle class are constantly observed with cameras and other electronic surveillance devices installed in their homes, places of work, public spaces etc. Enthusiasm for the ruling party and its leader “Big Brother” is enforced as the state has infiltrated all aspects of life.  The dictatorship has even subverted the language in the creation of “Newspeak”, a dialect that discourages free thought. Television and other media are continually blaring pro government propaganda into all private and public places. The slightest perceived breach of loyalty to the party is punished by ghastly torture. The nation is constantly at war and there are habitual shortages and near famine.

Winston Smith is a citizen of what was once the United Kingdom and is now part of Oceana. Winston meets Julia. The two begin a clandestine love affair and participate in a private rebellion. They fantasize about “The Brotherhood”, a legendary and likely mythical dissident movement.

When Winston and Julia are discovered and arrested, lets just say that really bad things happen. The primary villain is a state operative known as O’Brien whose fanatical loyalty and belief in the party is absolutely insane.

Many people whom I have communicated with, as well as some commentary that I have read, share the opinion that this novel as extremely troubling. There are many reasons for so much reader discomfort.

First this is an extremely negative book. Knowing a bit about Orwell’s life, it is clear that he was disillusioned when he wrote it. Among many reasons for his despondency was that he was sick with tuberculosis, an illness that would soon kill him. I believe this novel to be more of a prediction then a warning. It seems that Orwell believed that the fate of humanity was inevitably leading to horrendously oppressive dictatorship across the globe.

Others have remarked to me that they were disturbed by the accuracy of Orwell’s predictions. Indeed, since the publication of this novel, mass media, particularly television, has shown itself to be devastatingly effective propaganda tool. Both small and large oppressors have used modern technology to monitor people in their homes, workplaces as well as in public areas. I would however point out that as much as Orwell got right, he also got some things wrong. For instance, modern technology has often been the bane of the oppressive and powerful, with people using radio, the Internet, mobile devices, etc. to combat oppression and tyranny. In addition, Orwell clearly felt that the Democracies of the time, particularly The United States, Great Britain and France were soon to descend into chaos and eventual dictatorship.

Many including myself, find the overall theme, fate of the characters, as well as few particular passages in this book to be the most unsettling. Though I will not give away additional details as to the fate of the protagonists, the main idea here is that an oppressive government can crush the best and most noble aspects of the human character and soul. Furthermore, Orwell seems to be saying that there is a sadomasochistic strain in dictatorial regimes, and if the regime is smart and resourceful enough, it will successfully exercise its complete domination over the individual.

O’Brien describes the level of control and submission that the state demands,

“We are not content with negative obedience, nor even with the most abject submission. When finally you surrender to us, it must be of your own free will. We do not destroy the heretic because he resists us; so long as he resists us we never destroy him. We convert him, we capture his inner mind, and we reshape him. We burn all evil and all illusion out of him; we bring him over to our side, not in appearance, but genuinely, heart and soul. We make him one of ourselves before we kill him. It is intolerable to us that an erroneous thought should exist anywhere in the world, however secret and powerless it may be.”

There are a few particular passages in this book that hammer these ideas home and that are exceedingly difficult to take. There is one scene that I find to be unbearable. Interestingly it is not one of the passages that everyone seems to talk about. Often folks will comment upon a part known as the “Room 101” scene and describe it as the most traumatic of the book. This passage is an unimaginable description of psychological and threatened physical torture. This is not however the most disturbing part for me.

Likewise the last few lines of the book are often mentioned as extremely wrenching as they express a shocking and utter moral defeat of the human will. Indeed the above-mentioned parts of the book are really troubling. But for me, it is yet another section that is the worst.

There is a part, near the end. It is a cold March day. Not having seen each other in months, Winston and Julia meet by chance in a park. The description of the day, of dead vegetation and of the dialogue between the two is incredibly well crafted. I will not give away more details, but for me, this is the darkest, most despair filled fictional passage that I has ever been written. It is utter coldness and represents the ultimate in despair. It is difficult to imagine how Orwell wrote about such darkness. I will not read this book again as this part is just too much. There is no point in quoting it here, as it needs the context of everything that has happened before to have any meaning.

Orwell’s main theme is the inevitable obliteration of the individual by a supremely powerful state pumped up with technology and sadism. The message here is that all the character and courage in the world is no match for ingenious and brutal torture. Furthermore, in the author’s view, the world of 1948 was trending dangerously toward societies completely subdued by such hideous forces.

Is there any hope at all in this work? I recall, back when I was seventeen years old and first reading the work, I thought that I had detected something. There is an appendix to the book that explains and analyzes Newspeak. This addendum is written in the past tense. It seems to imply that a scholar is writing it many years after the main events of the book.  It also appears to be written from the point of view of someone operating in a free society. When I reread the book a few years ago I was again struck by the tense and tone of the appendix. Was this book so dark that Orwell felt the need to throw in a tiny wisp of light? Was he implying that Big Brother eventually fell? A little online research reveals that others have noted the apparent mystery of the appendix and that there is debate regarding its significance!

Though it seems that a large percentage of the population have read Nineteen Eighty- Four, a discussion with of many readers that I encounter indicates that it was read at a young age and that the book was rushed through for a school assignment. Often such quick reads overly focus the reader, to the exclusion of all else, on how many of the technological oppressions predicted have come true. Though this is an important aspect of this work, it is a pity, as there is so much more here.

I will not actually recommend a careful Nineteen Eighty- Four unless one is prepared for the darkest of dark tragedies. Though I think that art should be driven by a combination of the negative and positive, this one may go a little too far for many. On the other hand this is in many ways a work of genius and it is of immense importance. Though history has shown that Orwell was too pessimistic, it has also shown that he was amazing prophetic. His warnings are still of great use as a caution to any citizen of the twenty–first century. 

Finally this book also gives us something else. It has provided us with an arsenal of words, phrases and allusions to use against both big and small oppressors. Every time we make a remark about “Big Brother”, or mentions “Groupthink”, “Newspeak” or say that something is “Orwellian,” we shoot a little rhetorical arrow at the tyrannical. This arrow was a gift from George Orwell.